Dear Mark,

Overall, I don't think you're a bad guy. I've had a few drinks with you, and you seem to be a decent human being. I think you spend too much time alone, and need to go back to school instead of driving cabs, but nonetheless, I don't think you're a bad guy.

However.

It wasn't "Sweet Emotion" by Aerosmith blaring from your apartment at 3:00am this morning - nor was it the yelling and shouting (you were alone, weren't you?) - nor was it the constant banging on.. something I kept hearing - that pissed me off.

It was that GODDAMNED MOTORCYLE THAT YOU NEVER REALLY USE AND THAT YOU ONLY EVER TAKE OUT FROM UNDER THE TARP WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK AND WANT TO RELIVE YOUR CAREFREE YOUTH. Do you realize that reving the enging of a barely legal motorbike is annoying? Do you realize that it's even more annoying at 3:30am ON A WEEKDAY? DO YOU REALIZE THAT ONLY A NARROW SLAB OF WALL SEPARATES YOUR IDIOT BIKE AND MY FUCKING HEAD?? DO YOU REALIZE THAT I HAVE A GODDAMNED JOB AND YOUR FUCKING MACHO BIKE FETISH SERIOUSLY INTERFERES WITH MY QUALITY OF LIFE? DO YOU KNOW THAT THE NEXT TIME I HEAR THAT PUSSY ENGINE REV THAT I WILL MARCH OUTSIDE, SPREAD YOUR ASSCHEEKS AND RAM THAT BIKE UP YOUR ASS?

Sincerely,

Your friendly neighbour.